By Wayne Allensworth
And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21
I was taking my morning walk recently on a trail that runs behind our house and near a pond and the channel that feeds it. I walk it every day, and on some days, I can still see the moon, full and white, above the trees in a blue sky after dawn has broken. And I sense that I am walking not in total isolation, but in a relationship with my surroundings. I watch the ducks on the pond. The turtles. Robins fly. And on that given day, I found a series of messages along the trail.
Each message was written and bound with ribbon to a small bouquet of flowers. When I spotted the first one, I knelt and read the message written in beautiful cursive handwriting. And the message implored the reader to be confident that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ. Steady as she goes, it seemed to say. Stay the course. Get past your doubts. Above all, be aware. Pay attention. I rose and walked on, thinking that message had been placed there just for me.
I was alone on the trail. It was quiet. I carried on and found a second message: We walk by faith, not by sight. We labor that we may be acceptable to God. I felt quite calm. And walked on.
The next day, I walked the same trail as I so often did, and the flowers and messages were gone. And again, I felt the strange sensation of having been the target audience for those messages. Someone placed them there so that I would find them. For me and for any others who had stopped and knelt and read them, we would go on a little more confidently. A little more assured.
It occurred to me that each of us is a microcosm of the great macrocosm that is the universe and all in it. It is vast, but personal and interconnected. What was I in that ineffable wholeness?
Where do we find meaning and purpose in our lives? The postmodern mentality can find it only in the realm of “self-realization;” that is, in pursuing our desires, or, at least, what we think we want at any moment. They are desires that, when achieved, often evaporate before our eyes. So, we look for something else to make us “happy” — a pursuit of happiness that desperately seeks meaning and purpose in the externalities of our lives. In careerism, for instance. In the worldly realm of “great deeds,” in status, position, and material achievement. In making your mark. All is vanity, said the Preacher.
There is a place for those things, of course, but so many of us mistake them for that which gives our lives meaning, something solid and purposeful in a way that fulfills our nature as human beings. We often lose sight of the central role of personal relationships — with the natural world, with others, and in our disposition to the sacred, to a God who is more than a being, but Being itself. And who realizes His nature through His creation, and His relationship with it. Human personality and spirit do not reach their potential in a vacuum, in an environment of atomized individuals.
In doing what we do and moving through the everyday tasks of our lives, we can become numb and insensitive to the meaning instilled in those actions that could be experienced if only we were open to it. Let the scales fall from your eyes. Receive your sight. There is meaning in every action we take at some level. Take a step back and release yourself from the industrial noise and technological static that overwhelm us. Living within the hierarchy of love and obligation, fulfilling one’s nature by interactions within it, is the most purposeful and fulfilling thing one can do. At the end of your life, that will be the most meaningful legacy you have. The vanity of vanities in modern life is the attempt to escape from the hierarchy of love and obligation.
Calling a friend you have not spoken to in a while. Acting as a companion to a lonely person, a widow or widower, to the shy, and to the infirm. Performing a simple task that aids another. And the always difficult chore of doing one’s duty in everyday life, one’s duty to family, friends, neighbors, and countrymen that takes on so many forms and involves so many patterns of behavior that one’s life, if properly lived, is filled up with them. Meaning and purpose are more a disposition than a goal. You will never be able to measure what you have actually accomplished. Taking care of one’s children, one’s parents. Being kind to someone you may not like all that much. Loaning one’s possessions to those who may need them at a given moment. Giving a gentle reminder to those who need reminders. And sometimes loving someone by denying them what they crave. Like a parent disciplining a child, love does not mean simply abetting another’s desires.
You may not gather awards or win accolades, but acting as a light in the world can open a door to fulfillment that one’s resume, no matter how impressive, cannot do. We often look for meaning in the wrong places, at a distance, and not close by, where it presents itself. Performing the tasks that are the most necessary, but unpleasant, can be, paradoxically, the most rewarding. Be mindful and aware. What we attend to is what we are. Being fully present in life is an attitude. Quietly go about your duties.
The words of Psalm 46 come to mind: Be still and know that I am God.
Chronicles contributor Wayne Allensworth is the author of The Russian Question: Nationalism, Modernization, and Post-Communist Russia, and a novel, Field of Blood. For thirty-two years, he worked as an analyst and Russia area expert in the US intelligence community.
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